Things have been tough for the last month or so.
My dear friend lost her Step-Father. Having lost my father 10 years ago I helped her though by offering a shoulder, an ear, or whatever she needed (which turned out to be technical advice from the hubby).
On the 8th, my mother passed away. She is reunited with my dad and that makes me happy for her, but incredibly sad for me. Luckily, my friend stepped up for me, like I did for her, and not only that, but I had a tremendous outpouring from friends near and far. Friends I have had for years and people I hardly know. We have had donations to my charity in my mom’s name, we have had dinners made with love and cards of concern and sympathy. I even got a card from a friends parents and dear sweet grandparents.
It’s really easy to see the good in people when you are feeling the worst. I wish people could see the good in people when you are feeling the best.
It’s also really easy to be let down for those who you would assume would be there. Who knew that when you were at your lowest, the people who you thought would be there no matter what, wouldn’t be. What results from mourning and being let down… oh that’s right… anger. Yep, I am angry. Not at everyone, just at certain people who did nothing and then had the nerve to get upset with me because I haven’t gotten back to reality yet. Angry and hurt because when they lost a parent I did nice things for them, but when my mom died, they expected more for me. They actually had the nerve to ask Chris what was wrong with me. My mom JUST died.
Funny enough, I haven’t gotten mad at them when they canceled on vacations and left us in a bind, when their child threw a rock at my car and they didn’t even offer to pay for the damages (scratches and dents), when they were coming to a recital for my daughter, and then couldn’t come. I didn’t say anything to them when their child didn’t say thank you for their Christmas gift (or even acknowledge that I gave it to her). Or when they say one thing and do another, and by doing another making us look bad. Nope, just let it slide. But this will be a little harder to get over.
It’s been 2 weeks. i guess I should be happier by now, but I am not. I am happy that I have a great family, great friends, and lots of love and prayers. I am happy that when I needed it most I had an offer of a place to stay with my whole bunch even if it inconvenienced their family and interrupted their week. I am happy that my best friend was able to come for the weekend and had no expectations. I am happy that my husband didn’t know what to do for me, but still did everything he could. I am lucky that after years and years i have friends parents and grandparents who reached out to me.
Over all I guess I am not angry, I am hurt. But I actually feel badly for those people who didn’t reach out. Maybe nobody reached out to them and they don’t know real kindness. Maybe I was expecting too much. Oh well. Too late now.